Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Whether ending a business partnership, a friendship, or a romantic relationship, breaking up can be hard to do. I think, though, that it shouldn’t be that hard. Really, if we have healthy boundaries, we should be able to tell someone that we don’t want to continue the relationship, for whatever reason, in a reasonably civil manner.

That’s not the way it seems to go, though. We often hem and haw, afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings — or so we tell ourselves. I think many of us don’t want to be the bad guy, or don’t want someone else not to like us. Here’s the thing: everybody won’t like you. You have to be ok with that. Because if everybody did like you, chances are, you wouldn’t really like yourself. I’m sure your mama told you some variation of that at some point in your childhood.

I recently broke up with my therapist. That might seem like a strange turn of phrase to use for somebody with whom I conducted what most people would think of as a business relationship. But if you’ve ever been in my shoes, you know it’s absolutely the right way to describe it.

I wanted him to be the right one; I wanted it to work. I had invested a considerable amount of money, and not a small amount of time. When is it time to forge ahead, and when is it time to cut ties and cut your losses? This seems to be a theme in my life. Because of the difficulty of making that decision, and because of my inherent bias against therapy, I gave it one more week than I probably should have. I wanted to feel like I had given it every effort.

As for the EMDR itself, I can’t say whether or not it would be effective for someone else in my Situation in Life. I’m curious as to whether anyone else out there in Infertilityland has tried EMDR, and to what extent they’ve found any psychic and emotional relief from it.

There are so many things I could say — and have said to a few of you — as to the specific reasons that I know Dr. Walt isn’t the one for me, after all. I won’t say them, though. As in every break-up, I try to be magnanimous. Just because he wasn’t the one for me doesn’t mean he’s not the one for someone else. And just because EMDR didn’t work particularly well for me, for this case, with this therapist, certainly doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work for someone else — in fact, there is a lot of evidence that EMDR is extremely helpful for many people.

So, while it’s sayonara, Dr. Walt, I’ll still be here, to document the dogs, the love, other people’s children, and all things queer.

As always, I welcome your thoughtful comments and questions.

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